Adoption after Infertility

Well actually we’ve been waiting for 6 years, but it sometimes feels like millions of years.

Our road to adoption started after marriage. We were excited to grow our family, but after months and months of trying, nothing happened. Through fertility tests and surgeries, I found out I had stage 4 endometriosis. This disease has made it impossible for me to get pregnant, so after much deliberation, my husband and I decided to adopt.

We were determined to adopt an infant. We wanted to bond with our child from day one, so we applied for domestic adoption. Nowadays, adoptions in the United States are open, or at least semi-open, meaning that you will have contact with the birth mother. At first this was news to me, because traditionally, adoptions had been closed. However research shows that secrecy has negative impact on families when feelings of shame or abandonment arise from the lack of disclosure.

We did all the education requirements, trainings and home study protocols. Then we waited. We waited for a year but none of the birth mothers chose us. I’m not going to lie; it was very discouraging. When it came time to renew our home study, we had to have a serious conversation. Through more reflection and evaluation of our life values, we decided that we wanted to adopt an Asian baby since my husband and I are Asian. Then looking into international programs we chose to adopt from South Korea.

South Korea has a very reputable adoption program. For families wanting a healthy child, there is a very high chance that you can achieve this through Korean adoption. Nowadays, the average age of the adoptable children is 2 or 3 years old. We were ok with this because our desire to become parents overrules our desire to become pregnant. So we then switched gears and really tried to understand Korean culture.

There is still shame surrounding single motherhood and also domestic adoption in South Korea. Through internet research, you can also see that there are temperature-controlled baby drop boxes where birth moms can anonymously place their babies in someone else’s care. Everyday I think about our child’s birth mom and what she went through to decide to place her baby for adoption.

Yes in March 2019 we were matched with a little boy! At the time, Baby A was 15 months old, healthy, and oh so adorable. My husband and I immediately knew we wanted to adopt him and completed the acceptance paperwork.

The agency sends us updates sometimes about his progress. We have gotten photos, one video, and a few medical reports. We tried to send care packages, but according to the tracking number, the packages got stuck at the post office in Seoul. We’re not allowed to contact the organization to see if they’ve received it because they have too many children to keep track of.

Four weeks ago we got what’s called Emigration Permission (EP) Submission meaning they officially sent our application to Korea. Now we are waiting for EP approval, after which we will have to wait for a court date.

I get frustrated with the wait sometimes but try to remain positive. A few years ago, average wait times between applying and being placed with your child from South Korea were 2-3 years. Now the average time from application to placement is one year. I am grateful that wait times have shortened and I am going to be as patient as humanly possible. We’ve been waiting for years, so now that we’re only 3-4 months away from becoming parents, I think that we’ll be ok.

If you have any questions about adopting from Korea, please do not hesitate to ask. Everyone’s situation and preferences are different but it’s so important to know that there is support available to you. In my case I live in a rural area with very few resources, so I have turned to the internet for support and have forums, chat groups and other bloggers with similar experiences.