“And We Wait…”

I found this poem on the Canada Adopts Website and thought it was amazing.

When I tell people we’re adopting, the reactions are varied.

Some people comment,
“that’s great!” and behind
the smile in their eyes
I see them wonder…

Is it I or my husband
who’s the weak link
in the fertility chain

And we wait…

Some people comment,
“how wonderful –
I’ve heard of people getting pregnant
when they adopt.”

They don’t realize for us
adopting is not a fertility treatment,
but a choice we’ve made.

And we wait…

Some people ask about the process,
“how do you decide?”
They don’t know about ticking the boxes –
boy – tick, girl- tick, siblings – tick,
blind – tick, deaf – tick,
ethnicities, religions, diseases,
exposure to alcohol and drugs,
the list goes on and on…

And we wait…

They don’t know that
in many cases
we don’t decide at all
a pregnant mother picks us
from a stack of families,
piled up high with images of imagined homes –
These people have cats, 
They like to camp, they’re fun.

And we wait…

Some people ask,
“does it take a long time?”

They don’t realize we have to
put boxes around the places
in our hearts reserved
for families under construction,
for children in a forever home 

And we wait…

They don’t know about
thinking about the future
without really thinking
about the future
so hopes stay floating
and the edges of the picture
in your head stay fuzzy
because it hurts less that way.

And we wait…

They don’t know that
information and approvals
come in fits and starts, hot then cold, and
a month will go by where
we live our lives as usual
wondering when usual will change.

And we wait…

We wait for a match,
for all the ticky boxes to align
for transitions and attachment,
for time alone together,
for a family,
And we wait…

— An Adoptive Mother Who Is No Longer Waiting.

While I don’t know much about Canadian adoption, it seems similar to U.S. domestic adoption in that a pregnant mother chooses the adoptive family. With Korean adoption we were matched by the agency in Seoul.

The part of the poem that resonates with me right now is the 3rd to last full stanza. We get so excited about the possibility of hopefully soon becoming parents, but we hold back a little bit because we’ve faced disappointment so many times.

I’m praying everyday that this process continues to go smoothly and we can fulfill our dream.