November is adoption awareness month. I follow a lot of other Korean adoption families on social media and they are reflecting on their experiences. It’s nice to see that a lot of them have the same thoughts as me. We are grateful and simultaneously disappointed in the culture that gave us our children. Without the shame or pressure that Korean mothers sometimes face to place their children for adoption, a mother who heartfully wants to parent a child might not have been able to do so.
People adopt for a variety of reasons. There are devout Christians who find it their holy duty. Many like myself many find adoption after failing to conceive naturally. Some want to grow their family but just don’t want to give birth again. Others are adoptees who want to provide the same extraordinary experience they had during their upbringing. Whenever I casually talk to people about adoption, I always say that everyone is adopted in one way or another. Co-workers form familial bonds; friends create their own family relationships; and people marry into each other’s families. It’s all a matter of perspective and how you choose to respect or disrespect someone’s background.
It’s fitting for us that November is adoption awareness month because it’s also the time when we first met our child. At this time last year we knew our court date of November 21. I was packing up all the gifts and imagining what it would be like to first meet Ayden and his foster mom. Just looking back at those photos I can’t believe how much he’s grown. He didn’t know us at all and his entire world changed overnight. He’s so resilient and I just can’t believe how incredible he is.
We took custody of Ayden on December 23, 2019. The first few hours he cried, but then he ate and fell asleep for the night. The next day we had an amazing first full day as a family. I will never forget Ayden screaming “Appa!” (father) to Nihar when we were at the ball pit at the Children’s Museum in Insadong. I will also always remember the long flight home on December 25 when Nihar was so exhausted from carrying and entertaining him since Ayden was not yet attached to me. He desperately needed to sleep but Ayden didn’t like me yet so I literally just carried him around the plane cabin for hours to soothe him because sitting down made him uncomfortable. I consider that my birthing story because A) he is not a small kid and I did not yet have the strength built up from carrying a child on a regular basis so after that day I felt like a noddle and B) the next day he got so attached to me that it was like we already had him for the first 2 years of his life.
This year I’m hoping that our home construction will be completed soon and we can move in before Christmas. It will be amazing to see Ayden’s face when he wakes up on Christmas morning and sees the pile of presents under the tree. He will laugh and eat pancakes and dance to Christmas Pororo videos. If you’re waiting to live in your dream forever home then this time is only a drop in the bucket.
Adopting After Infertility 