The wait to adopt a child for me feels a little bit like torture. I think back to a year ago around this time and I was just living my life as usual. But as soon as we were matched with our child, it felt like he was ours.Our perspectives changed and we felt like we were parents already. When we get the updates with photos and medical progress, I’m happy to know that he is growing up healthy and happy, but I feel sad that we can’t be there with him. I know his foster mom is taking good care of him, but it’s difficult to be so far away. Korean adoption is different from U.S. domestic adoption in that you may not contact the foster family at all. If you do or try to, you will be removed from the program.

In order to relieve some anxiety and just have a creative hobby during the wait, I’ve been journaling. In a previous post I mention that I have separate journals for positive and negative thoughts. In addition, I’ve been writing in these adoption keepsake journals. They were presents from our baby showers and they’re just the sweetest things. I record milestones such as when we decided to adopt, the agencies we used and when we finally got matched. This is a wonderful way to record everything that is happening along the way while recording a memory book for your child.

The girls at my husband’s work did an amazing job planning our baby shower. I was blown away by the creativity and enthusiasm they put into it. Many caring friends, family and community members attended. It was a thoughtful and personalized event.

They used Pinterest for inspiration and purchased some games/decorations from Etsy. There were breathmints rolled in travel paper and a tag that said “Mint to be.” So cute. There was an emoji game where you have to guess which children’s storybook corresponds with the emojis. We also played a scratch game where the winner who finds the poop emoji gets a prize. I won a candle!

The food was delicious! There was a walking taco bar and then lots and lots of sweets. We had cotton candy, cream puffs, cupcakes, and a jello casserole. I asked how they had time to do all this when they all have full time jobs. The girls’ families did a lot of the baking. Cream puffs are not easy to do and I just feel so blessed that they took the time and energy to make this a special event.

We feel so fortunate that we have abundant support throughout the adoption process. I feel like I’ve been waiting forever to become a mom. I can’t believe we actually got to the point where we’re having baby showers. I get overwhelmed by the kind words, gifts and excited predictions for the future. People are always saying how lucky our son is, but we are lucky because at one point, growing a family for us felt impossible. Now our dreams are coming true.

The nursery has been set up for a while now. We bought the crib when we were waiting domestically. Much of the infant stuff we got was in a closet while we waited. We actually set up the room when we applied for Korean adoption. They requested photos of where the child would stay, so we had to get things prepared, which is good because now it’s done. But it’s hard to look in there not knowing exactly when your child will arrive.

The room also has a bed for any overnight guests. When baby comes, the bed might be used more often for naps, lulling to sleep or more out of town visitors who want to meet our son.

This is our temporary home, so the decorative stickers on the wall can be peeled off when it comes time to move. I kept the decorations gender neutral so there are cute alpacas (Or llamas?) and also some gray clouds. I surprisingly found them at Home Depot and am really pleased on how they came out.

Since we are adopting a toddler, I’m not even sure if he will fit in the crib or if it will be used at all. Apparently he’s sleeping nights with his foster mom on a futon in the living room. I’ve heard it’s common since many Korean homes are small. Parents could be sleeping on the couch while the kids get the bedroom. I’m not exactly sure what the sleeping situation will be when he arrives, but I know everything will be an adjustment. We’re fully ready to do co-sleeping. That’s what all the trainings recommend anyway with adoption because encouraging attachment is so important as they go through the transition.

One thing is for certain. He has already outgrown that changing table. Right now it is like a nightstand for the guest bed. In the photo you can see three books. One is a kids book on Korean language. Another is a family photo book that we plan to give to foster mom on our first visit so she can show it to our son. The third is a recordable storybook so he can hear our voices.

Tomorrow we will go to a baby shower that my husband’s co-workers planned for us. We made a registry and someone already sent us the car seat! I am so grateful for the amount of support we have in the community. I can’t wait to meet him and to introduce him to all the wonderful people that surround us.

I’m in a lot of adoption/infertility groups online and it’s incredible the different stories that people are experiencing. I’m lucky to live in the United States, a country where adoption is accepted and normalized. I’m also grateful that my husband and I came to the decision to adopt. There are so many what ifs that hold people back, but our ability to communicate openly and make choices together is something I’m very proud of.

Many social factors make Korean women feel pressured to place their babies for adoption. When I think of that it just boggles my mind. It’s sad. Another quote besides the one above that always gets me is “A child born from another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.” Everyday I’m grateful that we were matched with our child but it’s bittersweet because his mother had to suffer. One day if our child wants to meet his birth mother, I will do everything I possibly can to help him. And if she is willing or not willing to meet us, I hope that I can help my child through the emotions that come with either scenario.

Throughout this process, people still say to me, “maybe you’ll get pregnant. I believe in miracles.” But it’s a miracle that we went through this lengthy and exhaustive process and that strangers in a room overseas matched us with the most beautiful baby boy I’ve ever seen. Adoption is a miracle and I hope that people who are thinking about it or hesitate in anyway, at least give it a try. There are so many routes to adoption. It’s possible for anyone. It is a beautiful way to grow your family.

#adoption #koreanadoption #infertility #ttc

Well actually we’ve been waiting for 6 years, but it sometimes feels like millions of years.

Our road to adoption started after marriage. We were excited to grow our family, but after months and months of trying, nothing happened. Through fertility tests and surgeries, I found out I had stage 4 endometriosis. This disease has made it impossible for me to get pregnant, so after much deliberation, my husband and I decided to adopt.

We were determined to adopt an infant. We wanted to bond with our child from day one, so we applied for domestic adoption. Nowadays, adoptions in the United States are open, or at least semi-open, meaning that you will have contact with the birth mother. At first this was news to me, because traditionally, adoptions had been closed. However research shows that secrecy has negative impact on families when feelings of shame or abandonment arise from the lack of disclosure.

We did all the education requirements, trainings and home study protocols. Then we waited. We waited for a year but none of the birth mothers chose us. I’m not going to lie; it was very discouraging. When it came time to renew our home study, we had to have a serious conversation. Through more reflection and evaluation of our life values, we decided that we wanted to adopt an Asian baby since my husband and I are Asian. Then looking into international programs we chose to adopt from South Korea.

South Korea has a very reputable adoption program. For families wanting a healthy child, there is a very high chance that you can achieve this through Korean adoption. Nowadays, the average age of the adoptable children is 2 or 3 years old. We were ok with this because our desire to become parents overrules our desire to become pregnant. So we then switched gears and really tried to understand Korean culture.

There is still shame surrounding single motherhood and also domestic adoption in South Korea. Through internet research, you can also see that there are temperature-controlled baby drop boxes where birth moms can anonymously place their babies in someone else’s care. Everyday I think about our child’s birth mom and what she went through to decide to place her baby for adoption.

Yes in March 2019 we were matched with a little boy! At the time, Baby A was 15 months old, healthy, and oh so adorable. My husband and I immediately knew we wanted to adopt him and completed the acceptance paperwork.

The agency sends us updates sometimes about his progress. We have gotten photos, one video, and a few medical reports. We tried to send care packages, but according to the tracking number, the packages got stuck at the post office in Seoul. We’re not allowed to contact the organization to see if they’ve received it because they have too many children to keep track of.

Four weeks ago we got what’s called Emigration Permission (EP) Submission meaning they officially sent our application to Korea. Now we are waiting for EP approval, after which we will have to wait for a court date.

I get frustrated with the wait sometimes but try to remain positive. A few years ago, average wait times between applying and being placed with your child from South Korea were 2-3 years. Now the average time from application to placement is one year. I am grateful that wait times have shortened and I am going to be as patient as humanly possible. We’ve been waiting for years, so now that we’re only 3-4 months away from becoming parents, I think that we’ll be ok.

If you have any questions about adopting from Korea, please do not hesitate to ask. Everyone’s situation and preferences are different but it’s so important to know that there is support available to you. In my case I live in a rural area with very few resources, so I have turned to the internet for support and have forums, chat groups and other bloggers with similar experiences.